Saturday, May 31, 2014

10 Things NOT To Say To Twin Moms!



First off, I want to put a disclaimer that almost every question/statement I have listed below came from a well meaning person. I'm sure I would ask some of the same things, as I've always been fascinated by twins. So most of the responses below are really tongue in cheek. I have been asked every question below multiple times, so after the first 5-6 times, these sarcastic remarks do run through your head. So please take these with a grain of salt... ;)

  1. Are they identical?  Well let's see here...one has red hair and one is a brunette. This means they are NOT identical. Identical twins are basically clones of one another and are very difficult to tell apart.
  2. Then others say this: They're twins?!?!?!? But they look nothing alike! Ah, you got me. I totally made it up for the attention. I forgot all twins are identical and there is no such thing as fraternal or boy/girl twins. ;)
  3. This next one kills me: "Uh oh...double trouble!", or "You're in trouble now!" I've never looked at a family who had two or three kids and thought they had double or triple the trouble. Why is it that two babies at the same time mean trouble? I usually come back at them with, "No, I'm doubly blessed!" (Although yes....they can give me quite a bit of trouble some days....just don't say this to a mom)
  4. "Are they natural?" Are your boobs natural? Is your hair color natural? If you wouldn't go up to a woman and ask her if her boobs were real or natural, then PLEASE....NEVER ask this! My boys are not robots. They are human beings just like you and me, so I'm not sure how they could be anything but natural. Such a weird thing to ask.
  5. "Did you use fertility treatments?" or "Were they conceived naturally?" Oh boy....this is another BIG no no. Do you want to know if my husband and I did the hibbity dibbity at home or in a jar? Do you want to know if I took pills or shots or hormones or anything else that is TOTALLY NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS?!?!?!? Do I come up to you and ask you about your sex life....no? Then DO NOT ask me about how my kids were conceived! :) 
  6. "My husband's brother's wife's great uncle is a twin." I'm never sure what to do with this one. Is there an award for this? Do you feel some special connection to me now? Yeah...I just give the usual smile and nod, lol.
  7. "My kids are 10 months apart, that's just like having twins." Let me make this perfectly clear....NO, that is not that same as having twins. Two babies, carried together in the womb,  delivered together are twins. You have no idea what it's like to have brought home two babies from the hospital, have two babies wake up screaming at the same time around the clock. You have no idea what it's like to have two babies go through the exact same developmental milestones at the same time, teething, crawling, walking and potty training all at the same time. Please....your Irish twins are NOT the same as having twins. Yes I'm sure they can be difficult, but definitely not the same. And no, it's not a competition, it's just different. 
  8. "Did you breastfeed?" Another invasive question that really shouldn't be asked. Then when I tell them I did (because quite frankly, I'm darn proud of that accomplishment), I get "WOW, how did you do that?!?!?"  Well, let's see here....typically women are born with two breasts, and that sorta works out with two kids. ;)
  9. "Did you plan on having twins?" Um, no....I planned on getting pregnant with one baby. Most don't hit the sack with the hubs and say "Honey, let's make some twins tonight!!!" ;)
  10. "You look like you've got your hands full!" Ya think?!?!? Thanks for the snarky remark. Now why don't you open a door for me?!?!?! 



 Now I know there are many more, but I figured I'd give you 10 of the best. Now none of these questions/statements really make me mad or anything, as I know twins are pretty darn neat. I know people are curious and all, but before you open your mouth to a twin mommy....please think about what you are going to ask/say ;)



15 comments:

  1. #s 3, 6, and 10 never bother me. "Double trouble" is often true, "Hands full" is ALWAYS true, and I enjoy hearing about the multiples in other peoples' lives. My boys are frats, don't look that much alike (not as different as yours), and are 5 now, and I miss the questions and the interesting coversations.

    Incidentally, "identical" twins aren't, always.

    And my friend Corine DID plan on having twins. She read up on the influences, put as many into place as she could, and succeeded. Her boys just turned 18.

    My last line would be, "I know people are curious and all--and if I'm not in a hurry and you don't ask personal questions about conception, I'm always happy to talk about the strange and wonderful experience of having twin boys!"

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  2. I heard a great reply to those personal fertility or conception questions...."Why do you ask". The person might be going through fertility issues themselves, and if they're just being nosey hopefully this will give a hint to back off. And if I'm feeling feisty I'll launch into the whole 40 minute story complete with every gooey detail and watch them squirm (hey they asked!)
    as for the "Irish twins" being just like twins, I almost think it would be harder having them staggered, though I only have these 2 so I couldn't say... there's benefits to the same stage at the same time. The area I get touchy about is the pregnancy. Having a twin pregnancy is NOTHING like having 2 consecutive pregnancies. Between the worry, the diabetes, the PUPPS, the cholestasis, my liver and kidney issues, the emergency C section, the NICU time for one with one at home, and the diastasis recti that leaves me looking 6 months pregnant all the time... No, hon, it's really NOT the same.

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  3. I have boy & girl twins & you wouldn't believe how many times i got asked if they were identical??!!! really a boy girl how can they be identical????

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  4. These sort of questions happen to everyone, even if u don't have twins. I used to dress my daughter in pink dresses with pink ribbon in her hair and pretty shoes and people would still ask me If she was a boy or girl or would just assume and say 'aww he's gorgeous!!!!' Lol:)

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  5. thanks for sharing! I loved reading these and the responses. I should do a list of responses to questions (or even the looks) about having a child with Down syndrome.... But I do want people to feel comfortable to ask about our son - I think it's our differences which make us interesting. My sister (who shared this list with me) has twins and when she was pregnant people would say "OMG she's having twins, poor thing". I felt like scratching their eyes out and would say "I'd have twins in a heart beat if I could. Our family feels totally blessed to have twins in the family". And now they are 18months old and totally gooorgeous (ofcourse).

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  6. And the ever famous "Do you have two babies?!" No lady, one is a figment of your imagination! It's amazing what people will say :-)

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  7. "Are they twins?" No they're triplets... Oh crap, where's the other one!?! ;)
    "Your hands are full!" Nope, the cart/carriage is doing most of the work.
    "Are they identical?" You're so observant, one is blond, one is brunette and there's a 12 lb weight difference.
    The one I got most recently was "Do you have a favorite *wink wink" Yup, the one that's not screaming. They alternate favorites.
    Haha, I'm so blessed truly. After all the time in the NICU, breathing problems, digestive problems, C-Section then surgery to fix the adhesions from the C-Sections I'd had... Every time they drive me nuts I picture their newborn selves with all the wires and tubes and IV's and Bili lights and Give Thanks that they are here and making me lose what's left of my sanity daily! Ask away Folks... I'll happily make fun of you. :D

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    Replies
    1. This is by far my favorite response!

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  8. I always get, do twins run in the family? This is another intrusive way of being nosy and asking if we did fertility treatments or not. I just say yes and move on. Lol!

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  9. I am a mother of twins and I didn't hear most of these questions while mine were growing up, but when I was asked if my identical girls - who are STILL hard to tell apart sometimes - are twins as I moved through a store with a twin stroller, I'd say, "No, they are triplets. Their little brother is at home." Most people believed me!

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  10. My favorite is "Twins? But their eyes are different colors!" Umm, they also have totally different genitalia. Weird, I know.

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  11. My twins are 56 now. When I was a member of the "Mother of Twins Club" long ago, one of the fathers of twins said he always answered the question "Are they twins?" with "No, I have two wives."

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  12. When my twins were in a stroller, I wanted to put a sign on my back that said: 1) YES, 2) NO, 3) NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!

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  13. I'm a twin mother, with another one 20 months older. I got all the questions above! But I never got pissed about them. "Are they natural twins?" No way! I super screwed up on taking my Clomid, they are actually two weeks apart in gestation! How crazy is that! "Did you breastfeed?" I tried, and then started pumping, I couldn't hang, one wouldn't latch at all! "Are they identical?" No, one's a boy and one's a girl. People don't mean to insult you. They are just curious and want to start up conversation that's all. It's funny though, when the twins were a few weeks old I went out to babies r us for something. And older woman stopped and looked at the babies and said to me "You are soooo blessed" And I looked like crap, my over stretched belly was hanging down, my boobs were so swollen, I had baby puke on my shirt and maybe in my hair, and I just cried. (most likely hormones and lack of sleep) I said "thank you" and thought, WHAT GOD WOULD BLESS ME LIKE THIS?!! Babies puking, pooping, and crying all night, here you take the babies for a night and be blessed. LOL I realize now I was just sleep deprived and hormonal, but its funny now looking back.

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  14. Makes me feel refreshed just reading your descriptions and looking at the pictures! Nice job, thanks! :)
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